The role of single people
Something I've been thinking about is how there aren't many established roles for single people in society. And I think this has been true throughout time and history. Once you end a marriage/become widowed it's like your role in a community vanishes. Or, if you maintain a role, it is one of invisible labor. The widowed grandmother knitting all of the children's winter sweaters. The spinster aunt who does laundry and babysits. It's not very center stage.
Wouldn't things be better if people had a way to felt like they belonged in a community, even if they are showing up with nobody but themselves?
Yesterday, I went to a Garba. I was meeting [Redacted friend’s name] and one of his friends and her family there, but I drove over by myself, and I ended up getting there an hour before the others. Before I texted [friend], I was pondering just going to a Garba completely on my own. The thought scared and intimidated me. I don't know why. So I was glad that [friend] encouraged me to tag along with his group, but I did still get the solo garba experience, at least a little bit.
I immediately made a friend while walking up to the venue. This girl named Anne talked to me about how this was her first time going to this garba and the event center it was hosted at. But then, when she found her family, she left me and didn't speak to me again for the rest of the night. I did smile at her once. But it was strange. I feel like garba is an event where you should be able to meet new people. It's such a communal thing. And while there were certainly moments of connection with strangers (passing the aarti plate to people behind me in the crowd, falling into step behind older aunties in the dance line, waiting for someone to pass me the spoon to ladle chutney into my chaat), there wasn't ever really much significant conversation with strangers. Everyone's preexisting circles and friend groups insulated them from the potential for making new friends. Funny, how the warmth of community keeps out fresh energy.
Another thing I've been thinking about that feels sort of related but isn't really is how hard it is to communicate major life updates to your community. I think being single does make this harder. But maybe I’m imagining that. You can always send a solo christmas card.
